I came across this ad for a guy looking for a bass player....funny as
hell, read on (I especially like the Swedish Celtic Death Metal
reference):

Analogeezer


Bass player wanted
Bass Players. Ha. Ive been looking for the right bass player forever.
Years of frustration has led me to believe that there are none out
there that even come close to fitting the bill. How about some
examples..... Don't forget your head on your way to the audition.
Don't ask me to borrow any equipment, including 9 volt batteries that
I will never see again, speaker cabs, instruments and whatever else it
is that you need to get your mojo on. If the band is quiet, it does
not make sense to bring two trace elliot 4x10's, that's overkill,
duuuh. Fix that goddamn input jack, and get a decent rig, and I'm not
driving you back home from band practice. Your girlfriend is so
important, why don't you bring her to practice instead of cancelling
at the last minute. Intonate that thing. I can't believe that you
switched the necks of your 2 fender basses the day after you set the
intonation. wtf? Slap is to bass as distortion is to guitar. Asses are
for slapping not basses. Dont't slap in a blues tune. O.K. we're
playing jazz in 6/8 - no need to thrash your head around like a
sweedish celtic death metal band. I don't want to smell your funky
feet, play with your shoes on. You do not get a better tone smiley
faceing your eq. 15 inch speakers are muddy and sound bad. No startup
bands? How about no egotistical losers. You want money? Go try to play
bass on a street corner. This is original music. I can't afford to pay
you, you're supposed to be doing this because you enjoy it. Those who
I address have made me consider switching my instrument to play the
bass. It's been twelve years. I still haven't found the one.

Analogeezer wrote:
I came across this ad for a guy looking for a bass player....funny as
hell, read on (I especially like the Swedish Celtic Death Metal
reference):

Analogeezer

snipola

I wonder if this guy plays guitar? The ONLY people I've ever
seen who play an instrument with the jack falling out and
making all kinds of static have been guitar players!

And why is it that they never have 9v batteries either?
Always hafta borrow them from the bass player.

And even worse, Guitar players NEVER seem to have spare
strings either. The bass player has to carry an extra
set of bass strings AND guitar strings!

And the icing on the cake is the "play for free" thing.
Hey, I play for fun, I play for charity, I play for
practice, I play for exposure, but I've NEVER seen
a so-called "original" song writer so "kewl" that I'm
willing to play in his "band" without pay.

There may be exceptions out there, it's just that I've
never seen them yet.

The fact that he thinks he could switch to bass and
do the job pretty much says guitarist!

Benj
(who plays bass among other things...sometimes for free and
who says what this guy is getting is obviously worth exactly
what he's paying for it.)

wrote in message
...
Analogeezer wrote:

And even worse, Guitar players NEVER seem to have spare
strings either. The bass player has to carry an extra
set of bass strings AND guitar strings!

Geez, I feel all embarrassed now. I've been laying bass for about 25 years,
and the only spare stings I've ever carried were old ones I'd taken OFF the
bass. Never broke one though....:-)
--
John Cafarella
End Of the Road Studio
Melbourne, Australia

John Cafarella wrote:
wrote in message
...
Analogeezer wrote:

And even worse, Guitar players NEVER seem to have spare
strings either. The bass player has to carry an extra
set of bass strings AND guitar strings!

Geez, I feel all embarrassed now. I've been laying bass for about 25 years,
and the only spare stings I've ever carried were old ones I'd taken OFF the
bass. Never broke one though....:-)

I have to admit that usually you change the bass strings
because they start to sound like crap rather than because
you broke one, but one time I did personally witness
Victor Wooten literally slap the strings right off his bass!
But then if you've seen him play THAT should be no surprise!

Benj
--
SPAM-Guard! Remove .users (if present) to email me!

Huh. As a bass player, it's been my experience that the bass player is the
most responsible member of the band. Of course, my experience is in "bands"
and not as a hired gun. As a hired gun, of course the singer/songwriter in
question is going to care more than the bass player about these things.

I agree with Benj. The guy needs hired guns, he needs paid professionals
and shouldn't be surprised when he gets what he pays for. Some people are
so small minded... Oh well.

Regards,
Mark

--
http://www.marktaw.com/

http://www.prosoundreview.com/
User reviews of pro audio gear

"Troy" wrote in
. ca:

Question-
Whats the difference between a guitar player and a bass player???

Awnser-
A guitar player will take the dishes out of the sink before he ****es
in it.

Uh oh.... You did NOT just say that. You'd better keep in mind that we have
larger & heavier instruments, and we're not afraid to get down and dirty.
In a fight, we'd win.

I mean really, who would win in a fight, John Paul Jones or Jimmy Page? The
Ox or Pete Townsend?

More musician humor here..

http://www.prosoundreview.com/forum/...hp?threadid=81

... better be careful, most of the PSR members are bass players.

Regards,
Mark

--
http://www.marktaw.com/

http://www.prosoundreview.com/
User reviews of pro audio gear

"Mark T. Wieczorek" wrote:

Huh. As a bass player, it's been my experience that the bass player is the
most responsible member of the band.

Yeah... right... that's why they only give them 4 strings... and they make them
big and fat... sure.
--
Fletcher
Mercenary Audio
TEL: 508-543-0069
FAX: 508-543-9670
http://www.mercenary.com
"this is not a problem"

Fletcher wrote in
:

Huh. As a bass player, it's been my experience that the bass player
is the most responsible member of the band.

Yeah... right... that's why they only give them 4 strings... and they
make them big and fat... sure.

I'll take my G against your low E any day of the week and we'll see who
wins in a tug of war.

Regards,
Mark

--
http://www.marktaw.com/

http://www.prosoundreview.com/
User reviews of pro audio gear

"Mark T. Wieczorek" wrote in message
...
"Troy" wrote in
. ca:

But at least you can laugh at yourself.Musicians are a funny breed.By
the way it's OK.....us guitar players understand that anymore than
four strings and the bass player gets confused.LOL....just kidding
:-)

ha ha ha, that's ok us bass players know that you guitar players don't
know
theory worth a damn and can't figure out how to play this instrument you
keep insisting is easier to play than guitar.

How many guitar players could hold down a root / 5th pattern?

How many bass players can at least play rhythm guitar if not a halfway
decent lead?

I've been playing guitar for 30 years and I think bass is worlds harder. I
know more lead ******s than I care to name but only a few good bassists.

"Mark T. Wieczorek" wrote:



I'll take my G against your low E any day of the week and we'll see who
wins in a tug of war.

Anytime big fella... my 'low E' is a .105 flat wound... lets rock!!
--
Fletcher
Mercenary Audio
TEL: 508-543-0069
FAX: 508-543-9670
http://www.mercenary.com
"this is not a problem"

Hi, I've just popped over from PSR to help Mark out!
Hey! I play 6-string bass!!

Yeah, musicians are a funny breed, but drummers are even funnier!

Q. How many drummer jokes are there in the world?

A. One, the rest are true!

Shadesbass

"Troy" wrote in message .ca...
But at least you can laugh at yourself.Musicians are a funny breed.By the
way it's OK.....us guitar players understand that anymore than four strings
and the bass player gets confused.LOL....just kidding :-)


Mark T. Wieczorek wrote in message
...
"Troy" wrote in
. ca:

Good link,there are some good ones here.

I'm glad you didn't mind my declaring war on this thread. lol.

PSR is disproportionately bass players, and yet many of those jokes were
about bass players. Go figure. We should declare war on ourselves! damn
those people who make jokes about us bottom dwellers.

Regards,
Mark

--
http://www.marktaw.com/

http://www.prosoundreview.com/
User reviews of pro audio gear

Fletcher wrote in
:

"Mark T. Wieczorek" wrote:



I'll take my G against your low E any day of the week and we'll see who
wins in a tug of war.

Anytime big fella... my 'low E' is a .105 flat wound... lets rock!!

You're on. My G is a 1.27 flat, used to 55lbs of sustained pressure at
rest.

Regards,
Mark

--
http://www.marktaw.com/

http://www.prosoundreview.com/
User reviews of pro audio gear