[Danny T]

I found this a while back and thought it might be a good reprint now.
Enjoy~

The Care and Feeding of Your Troll: A Primer
November 1, 2006

So, you brought home a new Internet Troll. Congratulations! If you
are a first timer having a troll, you may have questions. Here are a
few suggestions so that you and your troll can live in karmic
balance. Now remember, each troll is different and your results may
vary. However, this primer should help you get on your way. Welcome
to the world of having a troll!

How do I refer to my troll now that I have him/her?

First, your troll may show up already named. Yet, you will find the
“pre-fab” names to be rather unoriginal such as Annonymous [sic],
ihateyou or yousuck. Never fear, you can always change their name.
If this is your first troll, I find that it is best to give him/her a
soothing, happy name to remind you that they are really just helpless,
sad creatures. A good name can make all the difference! I recommend
something like FluffyLoveBunny or Silly Billy Chickie Boo. How scary
is that? Not so much.

So your troll has a name! Congratulations! You are on your way!

How do I discipline my new troll?

Now as trolls are known to do, yours may act up from time to time. He
or she may get down right nasty and vicious towards you. Remember:
That is in their nature. They are inbred to act that way. It is just
NOT their fault. (And rumor has it most of them were dropped on their
head often as tiny, baby trolls.) Of course, your first instinct as
you get used to your new troll is to lash out and want to punish them
for being so incorrigible. That would be your first mistake! It only
encourages their behavior. The best way to keep your little
FluffyBunnyLove in harmony with you and your home is to ignore him or
her. Unlike their human counterparts, neglect keeps trolls
temperamentally neutral. Allowing them to see your anger or pain at
their behavior merely encourages them to keep it up and makes them
raging mean. Neglect. Ignore. Restore (the balance). Those are the
keys to disciplining your new troll.

Now that I have a new troll, what do I feed him?

Like any wild animal, it is important to understand the indigenous
nature of their diet. Your new troll may try to convince you that the
best thing you can feed him is a diet of your anger, frustration and
pain. Don’t listen. As any child can tell you, they will try to get
away with anything they possibly can. It would be a mistake to listen
to them. Your anger, frustration and pain is their main source of
nutrition and growth and– unlike human beings who need good nutrition
and growth to survive– it is vital that trolls maintain a steady diet
of ambivalence and ignorant bliss to maintain their puny stature. As
much as you want to punish him or her, remember that little
FluffyLoveBunny needs to be ignored after he or she comes home with
you. A steady diet of neglect will keep you living in harmony with
your new troll!

Where do I keep my new troll?

That is a great (and normal) question! As with any troll, he or she
will want to be front and center in your life. He or she will want
your never-ending attention at all times. It is their nature.
However, to live successfully with your new troll, you must remember
to keep him or her locked in a corner or sitting so far in the back of
the room that you forget her or she is there. Remember: Neglect
makes this work! Don’t feel guilt. It is how this relationship was
meant to be.

What if my troll runs away from me and never returns? Does this mean
I failed as a troll owner?

Absolutely not! In fact, just the opposite. If your troll gives up
in frustration and leaves you for another, that simply means you have
done a good job in the care and feeding of your troll. Pat yourself
on the back. You deserve it!

However, remember this: The troll population is diverse and re-spawns
quickly. Don’t get too comfortable. Before you know it, another
troll may follow you home. But, with this handy primer, you will be
ready for the care and feeding of your troll!

Good luck with your new troll! May your journey be swift and painless!

[[email protected]]

On Oct 2, 11:35*pm, Danny T wrote:
I found this a while back and thought it might be a good reprint now.
Enjoy~

The Care and Feeding of Your Troll: A Primer
November 1, 2006

So, you brought home a new Internet Troll. Congratulations! *If you
are a first timer having a troll, you may have questions. *Here are a
few suggestions so that you and your troll can live in karmic
balance. *Now remember, each troll is different and your results may
vary. *However, this primer should help you get on your way. *Welcome
to the world of having a troll!

How do I refer to my troll now that I have him/her?

First, your troll may show up already named. *Yet, you will find the
“pre-fab” names to be rather unoriginal such as Annonymous [sic],
ihateyou or yousuck. *Never fear, you can always change their name.
If this is your first troll, I find that it is best to give him/her a
soothing, happy name to remind you that they are really just helpless,
sad creatures. *A good name can make all the difference! *I recommend
something like FluffyLoveBunny or Silly Billy Chickie Boo. *How scary
is that? *Not so much.

So your troll has a name! *Congratulations! *You are on your way!

How do I discipline my new troll?

Now as trolls are known to do, yours may act up from time to time. *He
or she may get down right nasty and vicious towards you. *Remember:
That is in their nature. *They are inbred to act that way. *It is just
NOT their fault. *(And rumor has it most of them were dropped on their
head often as tiny, baby trolls.) Of course, your first instinct as
you get used to your new troll is to lash out and want to punish them
for being so incorrigible. *That would be your first mistake! *It only
encourages their behavior. *The best way to keep your little
FluffyBunnyLove in harmony with you and your home is to ignore him or
her. *Unlike their human counterparts, neglect keeps trolls
temperamentally neutral. *Allowing them to see your anger or pain at
their behavior merely encourages them to keep it up and makes them
raging mean. *Neglect. Ignore. *Restore (the balance). *Those are the
keys to disciplining your new troll.

Now that I have a new troll, what do I feed him?

Like any wild animal, it is important to understand the indigenous
nature of their diet. *Your new troll may try to convince you that the
best thing you can feed him is a diet of your anger, frustration and
pain. *Don’t listen. *As any child can tell you, they will try to get
away with anything they possibly can. *It would be a mistake to listen
to them. *Your anger, frustration and pain is their main source of
nutrition and growth and– unlike human beings who need good nutrition
and growth to survive– it is vital that trolls maintain a steady diet
of ambivalence and ignorant bliss to maintain their puny stature. *As
much as you want to punish him or her, remember that little
FluffyLoveBunny needs to be ignored after he or she comes home with
you. *A steady diet of neglect will keep you living in harmony with
your new troll!

Where do I keep my new troll?

That is a great (and normal) question! *As with any troll, he or she
will want to be front and center in your life. *He or she will want
your never-ending attention at all times. *It is their nature.
However, to live successfully with your new troll, you must remember
to keep him or her locked in a corner or sitting so far in the back of
the room that you forget her or she is there. *Remember: *Neglect
makes this work! *Don’t feel guilt. *It is how this relationship was
meant to be.

What if my troll runs away from me and never returns? *Does this mean
I failed as a troll owner?

Absolutely not! *In fact, just the opposite. *If your troll gives up
in frustration and leaves you for another, that simply means you have
done a good job in the care and feeding of your troll. *Pat yourself
on the back. *You deserve it!

However, remember this: *The troll population is diverse and re-spawns
quickly. *Don’t get too comfortable. *Before you know it, another
troll may follow you home. But, with this handy primer, you will be
ready for the care and feeding of your troll!

Good luck with your new troll! *May your journey be swift and painless!

Wow sounds like most of the people on this forum. lol

[Eeyore]

Danny T wrote:

I found this a while back and thought it might be a good reprint now.
Enjoy~

The Care and Feeding of Your Troll: A Primer
November 1, 2006

So, you brought home a new Internet Troll. Congratulations! If you
are a first timer having a troll, you may have questions. Here are a
few suggestions so that you and your troll can live in karmic
balance. Now remember, each troll is different and your results may
vary. However, this primer should help you get on your way. Welcome
to the world of having a troll!

How do I refer to my troll now that I have him/her?

First, your troll may show up already named. Yet, you will find the
“pre-fab” names to be rather unoriginal such as Annonymous [sic],
ihateyou or yousuck. Never fear, you can always change their name.
If this is your first troll, I find that it is best to give him/her a
soothing, happy name to remind you that they are really just helpless,
sad creatures. A good name can make all the difference! I recommend
something like FluffyLoveBunny or Silly Billy Chickie Boo. How scary
is that? Not so much.

So your troll has a name! Congratulations! You are on your way!

How do I discipline my new troll?

Now as trolls are known to do, yours may act up from time to time. He
or she may get down right nasty and vicious towards you. Remember:
That is in their nature. They are inbred to act that way. It is just
NOT their fault. (And rumor has it most of them were dropped on their
head often as tiny, baby trolls.) Of course, your first instinct as
you get used to your new troll is to lash out and want to punish them
for being so incorrigible. That would be your first mistake! It only
encourages their behavior. The best way to keep your little
FluffyBunnyLove in harmony with you and your home is to ignore him or
her. Unlike their human counterparts, neglect keeps trolls
temperamentally neutral. Allowing them to see your anger or pain at
their behavior merely encourages them to keep it up and makes them
raging mean. Neglect. Ignore. Restore (the balance). Those are the
keys to disciplining your new troll.

Now that I have a new troll, what do I feed him?

Like any wild animal, it is important to understand the indigenous
nature of their diet. Your new troll may try to convince you that the
best thing you can feed him is a diet of your anger, frustration and
pain. Don’t listen. As any child can tell you, they will try to get
away with anything they possibly can. It would be a mistake to listen
to them. Your anger, frustration and pain is their main source of
nutrition and growth and– unlike human beings who need good nutrition
and growth to survive– it is vital that trolls maintain a steady diet
of ambivalence and ignorant bliss to maintain their puny stature. As
much as you want to punish him or her, remember that little
FluffyLoveBunny needs to be ignored after he or she comes home with
you. A steady diet of neglect will keep you living in harmony with
your new troll!

Where do I keep my new troll?

That is a great (and normal) question! As with any troll, he or she
will want to be front and center in your life. He or she will want
your never-ending attention at all times. It is their nature.
However, to live successfully with your new troll, you must remember
to keep him or her locked in a corner or sitting so far in the back of
the room that you forget her or she is there. Remember: Neglect
makes this work! Don’t feel guilt. It is how this relationship was
meant to be.

What if my troll runs away from me and never returns? Does this mean
I failed as a troll owner?

Absolutely not! In fact, just the opposite. If your troll gives up
in frustration and leaves you for another, that simply means you have
done a good job in the care and feeding of your troll. Pat yourself
on the back. You deserve it!

However, remember this: The troll population is diverse and re-spawns
quickly. Don’t get too comfortable. Before you know it, another
troll may follow you home. But, with this handy primer, you will be
ready for the care and feeding of your troll!

Good luck with your new troll! May your journey be swift and painless!

Good general advice.

If you must speak to your troll - for example to ask them to go away please
snip extensively so as to ensure that only enough of their post remains as
to indentify them.

Beware of them adding 'kook groups' to the distribution. Remove all those
other than your own or related ones experiencing the same problem.

If your troll develops a temper tantrum and tries to 'flood' your group
with insane and off-topic posts (possibly with help from other trolls) to
get your notice, an abuse report is the final sanction. ALL decent Internet
Service Providers have Acceptable Use Policies and Terms of Service / Terms
and Conditions that prohibit this troll style of activity. Cancellation of
the troll's account or the placing of limitations on it are how it is dealt
with..

To send an abuse report, you will need to know how to read the 'headers'
that contain the vital information and how to identify the IP address and
company from which it originated. This is a separate topic in its own
right.

Graham

[Getting Older and Grumpier Gear Minion]

On Oct 2, 11:45*pm, wrote:
On Oct 2, 11:35*pm, Danny T wrote:
The Care and Feeding of Your Troll: A Primer
November 1, 2006

So, you brought home a new Internet Troll. Congratulations! *
snip

Owen, I sympathize that your guitar career isn't going
as well as you'd like it too, but crossposting your
agreement to conspiracies isn't the way to resolve
your angst. I'd offer you lessons but unfortunately
I'm guitar challenged. Please, and I mean this in the
kindest, gentlest, most positive intentioned way,
post to a newsgroup that shares your beliefs.
It's just a courtious way of communicating in usenet.
Or just start an Owen Blog somewhere else if venting is
what you need to feel better about yourself.

Please, no response to this is necessary Owen,
just comptemplate it for a few days, and feel better about
yourself. Have a Joy Joy Happy Day.